Vampire and a Man
by Jonesy and Cookie
Summary: Giles and Spike are bored. They put a list of books in one hat to make parodies of; and in another hat, they put topics. Giles pulls out "Green Eggs and Ham" and "gay sex". Spike laughs. Giles shuts him up when he directs it at him.


Title: Vampire and a man

Author: Jonesy and Cookie

Category: Humor...i hope...

Summary: Giles and Spike are bored. They put a list of books in one hat to make parodies of; and in another hat, they put topics. Giles pulls out "Green Eggs and Ham" and "gay sex". Spike laughs because he wrote gay sex.  
Giles shuts him up when he directs the parody to the vampire.

I sort through files and lots of vials!  
I am Ru-pert Giles!

That Ru-pert Giles! That Ru-pert Giles!  
I do not like that Ru-pert Giles!

Would you have me on the tiles?

I will not like that,  
Ru-pert Giles.  
I will not fuck you on the tiles.

Would you like a "friendly" pat?

I would not like a "friendly" pat.  
Please let me be,  
you stupid prat.  
I will not like that Ru-pert Giles.  
I will not fuck him on the tiles.

Would you care for a spank?  
Like some help when you wank?

I would not care for any spanks.  
I do not need help, no thanks.  
I would not like a "friendly" pat.  
Please let me be,  
you stupid prat.  
I do not like that Ru-pert Giles.  
I will not fuck him on the tiles.

Would you enjoy a good blow?  
Help you make a mighty flow?

Don't blow.  
I say no.  
No spanks.  
No thanks.  
I would not like a "friendly" pat.  
Please let me be,  
you stupid prat.

Would you? Could you?  
Like to strip?  
Come on! Come on! Skinny dip!

I would not,  
could not,  
strip or dip.

You may like it if we bone.  
You may like to hear me moan.

I would not, could not, bone or moan.  
Nor strip or dip! Leave me alone.  
I do not like the thought of a blow.  
I do not need help to make a flow.  
I would not like you to spank.  
I would not care for a yank.  
I do not want a "friendly" pat.  
Please let me be, you stupid prat.  
I do not like that Ru-pert Giles.  
I will not fuck him on the tiles.

Play games! Play games!  
Play games! Play games!  
Could you? Would you?  
Play dirty games?

No dirty games! No role play!  
No bone or moan! I do say!  
I would not could not strip.  
I would not could not skinny dip.  
I do not fancy myself a blow.  
I do not need assistance with my flow.  
I do not want a spank.  
Pray, do not help me wank.  
I do not want a "friendly" pat.  
Please let me be, you stupid prat.  
I do not like that Ru-pert Giles.  
I will not fuck him on the tiles.

Say! Me on you?  
or you on me?  
Would you, could you, you on me?

I would not, could not,  
you on me.

Would you like to be handcuffed?

I would not care for a handcuff.  
No you on me, no games in the buff.  
Not strip. Not drip. No bone or moan.  
I must insist you leave me alone.  
No need for a blow. Nor help with my flow.  
No spanking, wanking, or yanking, oh no.  
I do not want a "friendly" pat.  
Please let me be, you stupid prat.

You do not like that Ru-pert Giles?

I will not fuck him on the tiles.

See if I am well hung?

I would not care if you were well hung?

Or your ass and my tongue?

I would not want my ass invaded by your tongue.  
Nor would I care to see if you are well hung.  
I will not ever sport a handcuff.  
No you on me or games in the buff.  
No stripping, dipping, boning, moaning, no sir.  
I do not fancy a blow. You gone, I would prefer.  
I do not want a to get a spank.  
I will not like help when I wank.  
I do not want a "friendly" pat.  
I DO NOT LIKE YOU, YOU OLD BAT!

I do not like that Ru-pert Giles!  
I will not fuck him on the tiles!

You do not like me.  
So you claim.  
Fuck me! Fuck me!  
Scream my name!  
Fuck me, and you won't be the same.

Giles!  
If you will stop,  
I will fuck you.  
My pants will drop.

Giles!  
I like you on the tiles!  
I do! I like you, Ru-pert Giles!  
Put your tongue in my ass.  
You are well hung. This pain will pass.  
Find some handcuffs so I can play your dirty games.  
Yes, we will be in the buff and use naughty names.  
And we will strip before we skinny dip.  
We shall bone and moan after we unzip.  
I will bend over for a spank.  
You can help me when I wank.  
I say! I fancy a "friendly" pat.  
Yes, oh yes! I enjoy all of that.

I do so like you, Ru-pert Giles!  
Fuck yes!  
Fuck yes!  
On the tiles!


End file.
